Nighttime Hosts Take Aim At Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme

Late-night's prominent hosts devoted their airtime ridiculing former President Donald Trump's just launched immigration initiative, dubbed the "gold card," portraying it as a blatant pay-for-access scheme for the affluent.

The Late Show's Sarcastic Take

Starting his broadcast, Stephen Colbert presented a satirical holiday song targeting the president. "He is compiling a list, checking it twice, and then handing that list to the people at ICE," he intoned. "Donald Trump ... spoils everything he touches."

The focus was the controversial program that permits overseas citizens to acquire U.S. residence for the price of one million dollars, or "top-tier" tier for five million. An official page promises approval "with unprecedented speed."

"A brief message here to wealthy applicants: before you pony up, have you considered Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He noted that the program is also intended to "squeeze cash" from firms wanting to hire skilled workers, involving significant payments. "That is a lot of fees, but if you enroll, you also get two free nights at a property of your choice – provided that it's the that one hotel," he said.

"Unprecedented screening the U.S. government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these people absolutely qualify to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Critique

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"This is a card that will allow wealthy international individuals to live here," he explained. "For a million dollars, you get official visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your selection."

"Perhaps it's time to change that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your tired masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the application, noting it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"That's right, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Grocery Concerns

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's slipping poll ratings during economic concerns. "People gave Donald Trump a second term because they were upset about the economy," he said.

This week, in a bid to tackle affordability, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a selection of grocery items, and reacted oddly to boxes of cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."

"He is so extremely weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing right-leaning media coverage of Trump's economic performance. "Maybe rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to what FIFA did," he remarked.